Never Do This In America

Eat a hamburger with a fork and knife.

Let me explain…

There’s a new app where they match you with strangers in your city for dinner.

A friend told me about it.

“Meet interesting people,” he said.

“Ok,” I said.

There was a Bosnian, a Canadian, an Italian and a Czech.

And me.

We met at a hamburger restaurant.

Everyone ordered a hamburger.

And when the burgers arrived, everyone, except me, picked up their knife and fork and started cutting up their burger.

Would you eat soup with a fork?

Would you eat spaghetti with your hands?

Of course not.

This is civilization, not the jungle; we have rules.

And the rule for eating pizza, a sandwich, a taco and a hamburger — even if it’s tofu – is, use your hands!

What a bunch of weirdos…

App deleted.

HIT THE SPOT

When I recovered from my shock, I had a gulp of beer and a bite of my burger.

I had just come from the spa where I was swimming laps and sweating in the sauna.

So I was hungry.

And the beer and the burger really hit the spot.

Exactly what I needed.

Cheers,
Mr. Vig

P.S.

Did you guess what “hit on” means?

As in, The birth rate is declining because men aren’t going out and hitting on women like they did in the past.

The correct answer: E – All of the above.

To flirt with… to chat up… to come on to…