ADVANCED TECHNIQUES
1. Give the person a conversation ball
In one of my favorite books, The Catcher in the Rye, the main character is talking about trying to meet girls in New York City. He’s having a difficult time because the girls aren’t very interesting and the conversation is bad. He then gives an analogy of a good conversation. He says it’s like throwing a baseball with another person. You throw the ball. The other person catches it. He throws it back. You catch it. You throw it back to him. And so on. Back and forth.
So if a conversation is like throwing a ball, I’ve noticed there are some things I can say which the other person can catch more easily and other things I say which the other person can’t.
For example, when I moved to Maryland and I told someone I’m from Virginia, the reaction I got was often, “Oh.”
Maryland and Virginia are two feet away and everyone’s been there and who cares?
But if I said, “I just moved here from Prague,” the reaction was usually, “Wow!”
Either the person had visited Prague, wanted to visit, had family from there, or watch a TV show about it.
They tell me their connection. And the conversation is on!
And now I can ask questions about a subject we’re both interested in.
So what’s something about you that people like to talk about?
I don’t know your life, but experiment, notice what information people react to, and then when you find something about yourself that people like to talk about, don’t keep it hidden, start the conversation with it.
For example…
“Hi, I’m an accountant but my hobby is making sushi from the rats I catch behind my house.”
Or…
“Hi, my name is Bob. My mother wanted me to be a girl so she made me wear dresses until I was five.”
Or, my favorite…
“Hi, I’m not wearing any underwear. Where do you live?” (tip: for maximum effect, try not to blink when you say this one)