In yesterday’s story, Big Boss Bob was having a bad day.
He read three emails from three employees and he was not happy.
What did the employees do wrong in their emails?
Here are some of the suggestions you sent me:
“Wordy.”
“Difficult to understand.”
“Informal.”
“Not clear.”
“Too rude.”
Here are the emails again and how I would fix them:
Email 1
At this present time, it is the consensus of the ad hoc actuary committee that optimizing human capitol should be our primary objective in order to optimize revenue events going forward.
Problem: Jargon!
When you use complicated technical words that only people in your industry understand, that’s jargon.
Instead, keep it simple.
Don’t worry, if your writing is simple, people won’t think you’re simple; instead, they’ll be thankful they can understand you.
Here’s a writing tip from George Orwell, author of 1984.
“Never use a long word where a short one will do.”
Email 2
You said we should hire more sales reps. Did you have a time frame in mind? I was thinking mid Q3. Or Q4 if we need more time? And the pay scale? Did you think about that?
Problem: Confusing!
Everyone is busy.
And business emails usually require action.
If that’s the case…
Say what you want.
Say it quickly.
Say it clearly.
Here’s a writing tip from the advertising legend, David Ogilvy:
“Before you send your letter or your memo, make sure it is crystal clear what you want the recipient to do.”
Email 3
Dear Mr. Bob,
Greetings to you, sire.
I must have to inform you regretably that I will not being able to be attend the tomorrow’s meeting.
Problem: Mistakes!
Although I always teach my student not to worry about mistakes when they speak, writing is totally different.
Writing is visible. Writing is permanent. And writing can help you get the job, pass the test, win the contract… or it can send you home empty handed and disappointed.
A Happy Ending
Finally, Bob opened an email from Natasha.
It took him just a few seconds to read.
He knew exactly what she wanted and how to respond.
It was clear, direct, professional, and without any mistakes.
Bob wrote his reply.
He hit “send.”
And for the first time that morning, he felt good.
“Why can’t all my employees communicate like Natasha…?” he thought. “Is it that difficult?”
It’s not.
The problem is, no one taught you how to make it simple.
Great article!