HOW TO MOVE THE SPOTLIGHT IN ONE STEP
Ask Questions.
That’s it.
One step.
Simple.
Ask questions about the other person and they will do all the conversation work for you and think you’re amazing.
But ask the wrong questions, or in the wrong way, and your conversation partner will fall into a deep sleep and men in white suits will need to be called to give him electric shocks to his brain.
Here’s how to make sure your questions don’t do that.
HOW TO ASK GOOD QUESTIONS
1. Make Them Real
In other words, don’t be fake.
Plastic Christmas trees are fake.
A politician kissing babies is fake.
Michael Jackson’s nose is fake.
No one likes fake.
So if you’re talking to an astronaut and you think space is boring, don’t ask about rockets.
The challenge is to quickly find something about the person that you’re interested in. What I’ve discovered is that usually – not always, but most of the time — if I keep asking questions I’ll find something about the person I genuinely want to talk about.
Here’s an example.
In Prague I used to belong to a networking website called “Internations.” Every month they hosted events. It’s a great way to meet people from all over the world, practice your languages, and maybe make some business contacts.
I just went to meet girls.
Anyway, one time I found myself trapped in a corner. No girls anywhere. And blocking my escape was a man with a brown tie and a glass of water.
“Uh, this conversation is going to be painful,” I thought.
But I started asking questions.
“Where are you from?”
“How long have you been in Prague?”
“Is this your first event?”
So far, nothing he said was interesting to me. If I had asked him to tell me more about his hometown in Ohio my questions would have been fake because I didn’t care about his hometown.
So I kept going.
“What do you do?”
“I own a vape shop,” he said.
Ah ha! He’s a businessman! Something I’m interested in.
I asked him about his customers, why they buy, how much rent costs, how he plans to expand…
I was genuinely interested and the conversation was saved!
NEXT WEEK: How To Ask Good Questions, parts two and three: open-ended questions and non-verbal communication.