HOW TO ASK GOOD QUESTIONS
1. Make Them Real
2. Make them Open-ended
A close-ended question is a question you can answer with either “yes” or “no.” Close-ended questions don’t start brilliant conversations.
“Do you like this weather?”
“Yes.”
Not a good conversation.
But an open-ended question…
“What’s your favorite thing to do Sunday morning?”
It makes the person think, it makes them talk more, and hopefully it starts a conversation.
Ok, so questions are important. But they’re not everything…
WHAT’S 100X MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR WORDS?
Think of a recent conversation you had with a friend.
Maybe you met for coffee… maybe you had a phone chat… maybe you ran into him at the store…
Can you remember the exact words he said?
Probably not.
And in a month or two, you’ll forget the conversation ever happened.
But now try to remember this: How did your friend make you feel?
If you’re like most people, you can’t remember people’s words, but you can easily remember how they make you feel.
FACT ONE: We forget what people say; we remember how they make us feel.
How is this possible?
Sometimes it’s their words.
If you tell your wife, “Honey, did your butt get bigger?” she’s probably not going to have a great day.
But more often it’s the person’s emotions behind his words that are affecting you.
For example, if someone is in a great mood when they’re talking to you, suddenly you feel good.
Or, if someone is depressed or has low energy, soon you start to feel like his dark cloud is over your head.
FACT TWO: Emotions are contagious
Like a cold is contagious, or a virus is contagious, we can also catch someone’s emotions.
When I started my first office job, I wanted to understand the business and what everyone in the company does so one day I sat with one of the phone sales guys and watched him work. I noticed on his desk he had a small mirror. And at the bottom of the mirror it said: “How you look is what they hear.”
Brilliant!
If you look like you’re tired, bored, depressed or angry, it’s impossible to sound cheerful, happy, enthusiastic or interested.
THEREFORE: Because your emotions are more important than your words, the most important thing you can do before a conversation is feel good.
NEXT WEEK: How to change your mood in 120 seconds.